On the Other side of the Gate
by kumo
Summary: Argh I'm having trouble revising some mistakes in this- sorry. This is my way to resolve seisouhen. Kenshin and Tomoe have a chat. KxK, WAFF Ithink. First fic so please review


Hi everyone- this is my very first RK fanfic -so probably very ooc! I'm not hot with japanese either. Also, my spelling can suck viry badly - u see? R&R appreciated but pls don't flame- I'm new at this!!! 

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Kenshin unfortunately. 

* * *

***On the Other Side of the Gate***

He was walking the same streets again - Tokyo as he remembered - pulled at every turn to take the same path back to the dilapidated dojo he knew so well. 

At the gate, he would pause - look at the plaque, run his hand down its cracked surface, twist the lock, then slide the door open. In the yard, he would turn, make a right and head for the rooms- find the one, take his place on the porch beyond the shoji screens. His post for countless nights outside Kaoru's door.

The weather was always fine - the air clear, the light even clearer. Everything seemed to have its own glow - the walls surrounding the compound, the buildings... He would lose track of time at that point. Suddenly, he would be back on the main street leading into Tokyo - he would again retrace his steps and the old familiar path.

It struck him eventually that this was a little odd. He first began to try and count the number of trips he made. Somehow, the numbers wouldn't stay in his head. Then it began to occur to him that Tokyo was strangely deserted, its streets empty. Gradually he realized that he was wrong - that in fact Tokyo was thronging with a multitude of presences that were constantly moving up and down its streets. He felt that they could see him but he couldn't see them.

Even the Kamiya dojo was charged with presences. These felt more familiar somehow. 

He began to recall that he had died. Hazily, at first, then more clearly, a fact rooted in his heart. He could replay the scenes precisely in his mind, which he began to do as he walked to the dojo. The ship, the trek, the river, past the bend - into Kaoru's waiting arms. 

He was back at the dojo gates again. As always, he followed the same ritual, slid the gate open, entered the yard, took the path round to the rooms - when his head rose up, more alert than he had felt in.. ages? The unmistakable scent of plum blossoms wafted through the air and he felt a presence that he knew better than any other. Tomoe. 

She was seated at the porch, taking his customary place outside Kaoru's room. Her posture, the fold of her hands in her lap, the downward cast of her head, were all exactly as he remembered. 

"Kenshin", she looked at him and gestured for him to sit beside her, which he did - too stunned for words. 

"Anou..." He turned to look at her curiously. What was she doing here, of all places? For that matter, what was _he_ doing here?

She returned his gaze implacably "You've died... and now you are here- in the plane where all the dead go. The presences you feel about you are all spirits of people who have passed on. This is not normally a physical plane - but it can manifest itself as such to a person who still clings on to his past, his life."

_Am I clinging on to something? _It was hard to believe that. He had come to anticipate death as a respite from life.

Tomoe leaned closer to peer at his face. The shadow of a smile crossed her features as she studied his left cheek. Self-consciously, his hand rose to feel for scars that were no longer there. "They're gone," he announced.

"But they could have gone so much faster," she murmured almost regretfully. 

It was the perfect moment for an "oro?" - he had trained himself to recognize and use these moments. But something about this place made him reject the rurouni facade he had carried with him for much of his life. As he considered this, he realized as well that the battousai part of him that he normally kept suppressed was also absent. He was truly himself here - Kenshin... no, Shinta...

"Kenshin." she said with finality. She smiled softly,"A person isn't molded by his name - he molds the name to himself. "Kenshin" has come to stand for all you are in the minds of those who love you."

_Can you read my thoughts?!! _She inclined her head gracefully. _Eek_. There were so many questions bubbling about in him, rising uncontrollably in his thoughts, _What am I clinging on to? What did you mean - the scars could have gone faster? Why are you still here...? Gomen ne - didn't mean to throw them all at you like that..._

"They all have the same answer, Kenshin... anata," she said it as if she were trying out a new word. She blushed, "That feels so strange. I'm sorry, I can't use "anata" with you anymore."

"Eh?"

She was turning pinker, "Well,Kiyosato and I..."

"Oh, of course!" He nodded his head hastily, feeling his cheeks turn pink too. ^_^ "Anyway - you were about to explain..?"

"Hai." She sighed and looked at him sternly. _Eek again_."I'll start with the scar..."

"I did everything I thought I could you know," he murmured, again feeling his left cheek. 

"To compensate for crimes you committed as the battousai?" Tomoe shook her head. "That was the problem. The scars became a symbol to you of all the wrongs you thought you had committed as a hitokiri... but they are not the same thing. It was a personal wrong and an individual's anger that kept those scars there, and they would only disappear with the addressing of that personal wrong."

_Ummmmmm....?_

If Tomoe had been less refined she would have yelled "Baka!" and slammed him on the back of his head. Instead she merely blew out the breath and continued. 

"Kiyosato's scar carried all his anger at being taken away from life.. from me. When I died and we were reunited, he was quite willing to release that anger you know. However, part of me still clung on to life.." she gestured at her plainly physical self, "I was not fully freed and not wholly his. Hence his scar stayed."

"As for my scar... I put all my frustration in that cut. The anger at the confusion you had put in my heart. I was furious at being torn two ways - on the one hand, needing to be loyal to Kiyosato and affect a revenge, on the other, being unable to do it because of the feelings I had developed for you. The guilt, the helplessness - I wanted to apply to you..."

"My choosing to die addressed the guilt -ultimately I had chosen to be with Kiyosato. But I couldn't release everything in my past yet.." She tightened her fists in her lap. "For one thing, it was hard to let go when I was constantly being called upon..."

Kenshin started guiltily, recalling the many times post-Tomoe when he had asked for her presence to be with him, to get through whatever crises he had been facing at the time. 

"Gomen ne, I didn't know..."

"How could you? But I made the choice to stay. Katsura-san asked that I be your saya when I was alive- and somehow in death I couldn't bear to give up the role."

"Believe me, it's what kept me sane," his eyes were earnest,"It was the only thing that kept me from being overtaken by the battousai. It allowed me to walk away at the start of the Meiji, and it kept me away all those years that followed.."

"Until a certain blue eyed girl wondered into your life... and took up the role of being your saya."

It was true - through the fights with Jin'E, Shishio, Enishi - the thought of Kaoru had seen him through and prevented him from being consumed by the assassin within. "So why didn't you let go then?"

Tomoe sighed."Because, baka (Kenshin blinked. Hello? Was this the real Tomoe coming through at last?)"you wouldn't accept that she was the answer you needed."

"EH???!!!"

"Somehow, you felt like you had to keep moving, seeking out innocent lives to protect with your sword, searching to atone for your crimes as a hitokiri. And, thinking as well that this was what I wanted, that I had given up my life so you could live on to protect others...Kenshin, giving up my life was the only way I had to resolve the confusion I was in. At the moment, I honestly wasn't thinking about what I wanted you to do with the life you had left." _Basically I could have cared less at the time_

_Tomoe!_

_"_Kenshin, how many times have you heard it said that during the bakufu, people fought for what they believed. You've said it yourself. Yes, you did kill many people which did rob their loved ones of their happiness... but did you ever think how they had done the same to many others as well? How can a person begin to atone for something like that? In the end, you have to believe that it all balances itself out in the end."

She leaned back and glanced up at the sky. " You were always searching for something, some way. But the answer was right under your nose."

"Ie" Kenshin had to protest."I tried to rest, Tomoe. But even with Kaoru, it wasn't enough. Something kept driving me on - there was no peace otherwise."

"There was no peace because you wouldn't accept that the answer could be so simple.Or that it could entail your happiness." Tomoe stood up and proceeded to dust herself down.

"Anou, you don't have to do that here you know"

She lifted her shoulders slightly. "Habits die hard I suppose. But," she broke into the widest smile he had ever seen on her,"They will now. You know what you have to do, don't you?" She was breaking up right before his eyes, becoming pure light. For a moment, he thought he saw the silhouette of a man beckoning to her...before it all disappeared and he was on the dojo porch, alone.

"I'm sorry Tomoe. I only released you in death... but thank you." _Did_ he know what he had to do? Searching his heart, he found that he did. He focused his thoughts on Kaoru and felt his surroundings begin to dissolve around him.

***

Kaoru blinked her eyes opened and found herself staring at the rafters in her room. She mentally explored every part of her body, testing it. The pain seemed to have eased. She felt much better than she had in weeks. Megumi had said there would be periods of remission. 

A grunt and faint snore made her turn her head to seek out its source. Kenji was sleeping at her side, as he had taken to recently, so he could be at her beck and call. 

She smiled fondly at him - felt grateful, almost, for her illness which had allowed them to patch up so many things that had gone wrong between them. More importantly, she had had a chance to explain to him about Kenshin and why he had always left them- and Kenji was beginning to understand, forgive and respect the memory of his father. 

_I made up my mind a long time ago that I would stand by your father no matter what it took. He had to find an answer to the guilt he carried all those years- and if it meant that he left me sometimes, I was prepared for that. It only mattered that he came back. And you know, Kenji, he always did come back._

She closed her eyes. He always did come back. She had felt so alone since his death. He had once told her how Tomoe's presence had seen him through difficulties after her death, and she had tried to do the same with him - to summon his presence to comfort through the pain of the disease. But there was nothing, no feelings, no presence - only a mocking emptiness in her soul. _But he always did come back, Kaoru,_ she told herself, _And even if I don't sense him now, I will one day. I'm sure of it. Anyhow, in death..._ A ghost of a smile crossed her lips - there would be no peace for Himura Kenshin once she died- she would hunt him down somehow. Kaoru had always been an optimist. 

She wasn't wasting anytime waiting to die either. She filled each day with her friends - a constant stream had found its way through the dojo gates since Kenshin's death. Some had even taken up semi-permenant residence, she thought wryly. She could just make out Sano's raspy breathing next door. But she made sure she had time with Kenji everyday, just by themselves. 

There had been days when he clung to her as he had as child, unwilling to let go. But these days were few and far between now. There was a maturity and wisdom building up behind those wide amethyst eyes, and she was not afraid to have to leave him behind.

Mou, it was hot! Kenji insisted she sleep under thick blankets every night even though it was already midsummer. She pushed them off impatiently then gingerly lifted herself up on one elbow. She eyed her son beadily. He gave another grunt and shifted in his sleep. Good. 

Really, she felt very strong tonight. Some creaky joints but still, almost energetic. Better than lethargic and drugged out, which was how she generally felt in summer. 

She pulled her yukata tighter around her frame and made her way stealthily to the entrance of her room. She slid open the shoji screen and made her way to the porch step. How long since she had last sat here to see the night stars? Her eyes grew misty as she remembered - the last time had been with Kenshin, just before he left for China. 

_Honestly, Kaoru!_ she scolded herself as she dragged her sleeve across her eyes. _Things really are much better now than they were then. Kenshin is out of pain, Kenji is at home, I'm feeling well..._She settled herself slowly on the porch step, leaning against the supporting beam. She smiled faintly - pretending that she could feel an indent in the post where Kenshin had always rested when he was home. 

_Don't try again, Kaoru,_ she pleaded with herself. It always ended in tears when she did...but she couldn't help herself as she dredged deep in her memories and tired once again to conjure up the sense of Kenshin's presence. 

Goodness, he felt really close tonight. A few goosebumps raised up at the back of her neck. Was it just the wind? She screwed her eyes together more tightly and clutched the yukata closer, willing him to come, to be here. 

It was the scent she noticed first - faintly.Then unmistakably - his smell. Her heart leaped with her and she tried to steady her breathing, her trembling hands. Any unbidden movement and the dream might shatter in an instant...

She could feel him as palpably as if he were just behind her - sense his arms encircling her shoulders from behind as he had done in the past - feel his face press into her neck, breathing her in. Tears were slowly easing down her cheeks, but her smile was as radiant as when he had first known her. "Anata..." she breathed into the night air. 

***

He was on the main road leading into Tokyo again. Had it been a dream?

He started walking, thinking along the way as he always did. The last time he had been at the dojo, Tomoe had been there. It seemed like he could hardly recall it, but he was certain it had happened. She had told him some things, and he had learnt some things. Although he now felt as if he had known these things right from the very beginning of time. He was conscious most of all that he now knew what he had always been searching for. He had tried to grasp for it after Tomoe had left. Hadn't he? The never-ending day had dissolved into a warm midsummer night - and she had been right infront of him, sitting at his spot on the porch step. He had come up behind her and put his arms around her, breathed her in - heard her whisper to him. Hadn't he whispered back too? "I'm here, koishi, and I never want to leave again..." That was what he had meant to say. But suddenly, here he was.

He was more than halfway to the dojo by this time. He nearly stopped short when he realized that he could see lights dashing about him. Those other presences, ne? All in different directions and speeds. Some paused before him, as if considering him. Others even seem to beckon to him to join them, twisting impatiently infront of him. Eh?

The streets and buildings had a more intense luminosity about them today. In some places, light was actually poring through what looked like cracks. Strange. He wished he had someone to ask. 

He was at the gate now. He paused, considered the plaque again. Prepared to twist the lock - when something brought him up sharply. On the other side of the gate - there was a new presence. He could feel it sharply. His hands trembled but he forced them to open the gate. 

He stepped into the courtyard and stopped. Considering. Testing. 

The practice hall looked miles away across the endless yard. He could just make out a lithe graceful form at its front doors, peeking into the room. It stopped and pulled back, turned and saw him - and moved forward. The distance seem to compress itself and they were face to face in an instant. 

"K..Kaoru?" his hand reached to cup her face uncertainly.

This was Kaoru as he first remembered, before time had etched worries on her face and robbed her of her sparkle. Her blue eyes were flashing wickedly - triumphantly - at him and she was smiling her most unbounded smile. "Mitsuketa..." she teased- flinging herself into his embrace.

"Ie..." he was losing his sense of clarity as her heady scent filled his being. "_I _found _you._ At last"

It was like being carried upwards on a breath of wind. The physical feel of her melted away... but the sense of two souls irrevocably linked remained - and was infinitely more satisfying. 

*** owari ***


End file.
